dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
