my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
