oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Randomize
