WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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