Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
