theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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