Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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