It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
