good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
so much tequila, so little girl.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
