he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
