did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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