he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you traded sex for a burrito?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
