I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
