I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
