I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
