hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
