I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
