I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
