Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
