Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
