her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
