I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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