I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
