my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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