girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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