I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
