I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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