I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize