No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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