HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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