You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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