I am spending my child support on dildos
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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