guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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