Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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