hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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