Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
