So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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