Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
