I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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