I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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