I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
