I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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