cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
