these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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