I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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