Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
