I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
