Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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