I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
