i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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