I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
