just come out here and I will go home with you...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
