My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
