Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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