When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just high enough for therapy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
