just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
