If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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