I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
