The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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