i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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