Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
