Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the condom got lost in my hair
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
