Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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