she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
