i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize