saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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