I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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