just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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