I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
