I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
