My nipple is on Facebook.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
