GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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