he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
